>> ASK A QUESTION

In terms of personal safety, skill and ability to confront an armed abuser is far from being the most important thing. It is much more important to notice sings of imminent threat as early as possible, in order to have enough time to avoid it, or at least prepare to repel the attack. A person, as a rule, does not control his/her posture, gestures, facial expression, and they frequently give out his/her latent aspirations. Understanding body language is a skill that can enhance your life. The skill is useful not only at the moment of confrontation with potential abuser, but also in dealing with people - clients, colleagues, loved ones, etc.

Psychological portrait

There is a genetically based interdependence between the features of a person and his
temperament and character. For example:

• Widely placed eyes – resistant to stress, sociable, perhaps slow behavioral reactions, outward simplicity, firm moral principles.
• Closely placed eyes – hot temper, quick behavioral reactions, irresistant to stress.
• Small, deeply placed cold eyes – emotionally restraint, logical type of behavior, serious.
• Large, open, radiant eyes - enthusiastic, sensitive, emotional type of behavior.
• External corners of eyes are lowered - critical perception, sceptic.
• External corners eyes are raised -enthusiastic, trustful, perhaps naive in relations with people.
• Eyebrows are close to eyes - affable, sociable.
• Eyebrows are far from eyes – fastidious about personal contacts, keeping distance, anxious.
• Full lips - sensitive, companionable, generous.
• Small and thin lips - propensity to save (time, words, money).
• Corners of mouth upwards - optimistic.
• Corners of mouth downwards - pessimistic, propensity to complicate everything.
• Round (square) face – self-confidence.
• Oval (rectangular) face - uncertainty, inadequate self-estimation.

Facial expressions

Emotions are accompanied by facial expressions. Since it is easy to control facial muscles, people quite often try to disguise or even simulate there emotions. Sincerity of emotions is usually confirmed by symmetry of their facial display. When feelings are false, mimicry on the right and left sides of the face differs. A facial expression may be very short-term, and one should have special training and experience to read it. It is easier to recognize positive emotions (joy, pleasure...) than negative (grief, shame, disgust...).

Lips are the most expressive, hence easy to read. For example, biting lips shows concern and mouth distorted to one side means scepsis or sneer.

A smile, as a rule, shows friendliness or need for approval. A smile of a woman much more truthful and more often shows her actual mood, than that of a man. As smiles frequently display different motives, it is desirable not to overrely on their standard interpretation:

• excessive smiling - need for approval;
• wry smile - controlled nervousness;
• smile with eyebrows raised - willing to obey;
• smile with eyebrows lowered -  superiority;
• smile without tightening around eyes - insincerity;
• smile with staring eyes - threat.

Eyes

Eyes can also tell frankly about feelings. Not without reason experienced professionals
try to hide them behind dark spectacles. People can be betrayed by abnormal movements of their eyes:

• Eyes moving back and forth (shifty eyes) - anxiety, shame, lying, fear, neurasthenia.
• Brilliant eyes - fever, excitation.
• Glassy eyes - extreme weakness.
• Dilated pupils – feeling interested and pleased by information, dialogue, photos, partner, food, music and other external factors; acceptance of something, but also strong suffering; effect of certain medicines or drugs (marihuana, cocaine...).
• Contracted pupils - irritation, rage, hatred and similar negative emotions, nonacceptance of something; effect of certain medicines or drugs (morphine, heroin...).
• Chaotic movement of pupils - a sign of alcoholic intoxication (the more such movements,
  the more intoxicated a person is).

During a dialogue a person more often looks in the face of his partner when he is listening than when he is speaking. A person who looks in the eyes of his partner less then one third of the dialogue time either is not honest, or tries to conceal something. Eye contact can have the following meaning:

• Vacant look - concentrated reflection.
• Looking away while talking - losing of interest to conversation, too long monologue of the partner.
• Fixed look into eyes (with contracted pupils) - hostility.
• Fixed look into eyes (with dilated pupils) - sexual interest.
• Reluctance to make direct eye contact - shame, deception.
• Squinted eyes – mistrust.
• A partner consecutively looks at you and looks away a number of times – lack of consent, mistrust.

Pose

A lot of information about a person”s mood can be given by a static position of his body. Frequently repeated pose informs about stable features of a person. Usually people control their facial expression, so it is pose that can tell about true emotions of an individual. Characteristic positions of a body, that correspond to a person”s mood, are:

• Hands clasped behind back, head raised high, chin is up - sense of self-confidence and superiority. People often use this posture during public performances.
• Leaning forward with hands on hips – self-confidence, willingness to act, overexcitement, aggression (leaning forward too far).
• Standing with hands on a table or chair - lack of contact with the partner.
• Sitting with hands clasped behind head – self-confidence, superiority.
• Thumbs behind belt or in pockets – aggression, self-confidence.
• Hands in pockets with thumbs trusting out - superiority.
• Arms crossed on the chest – rejection, defensiveness.
• Sitting, hands open, legs apart, jacket unbuttoned - open, relaxed.
• Head tilted – listening with interest.
• Head lowered - negative attitude.
• Head slightly backward - smouldering aggression.
• Sitting on the edge of a chair - readiness to stand up at any moment to a) leave, b) act according to the situation, c) let accumulated agitation out, d) draw attention and join the conversation.
• Sitting in an armchair with a leg on an armrest – disregard for people around, loss of interest to the conversation.
• Sitting with locked ankles – negative defensive posture, disapproval, fear or agitation, attempt of self-control.
• Sitting with legs directed to the exit - apparent desire to stop talking and leave.
• Frequent change of poses, fidgeting, fussiness - concern, tension.
• Standing up - a signal that a decision is taken, the conversation is boring, something
  has surprised or shocked.
• Twisted fingers - disappointment and desire to hide negative attitude, persistent unwillingness to make concessions (especially when twisted fingers are raised to the chin).
• Elbows are on the table with hands before mouth - hiding intentions.
• Steepled fingers - superiority and confidence.
• Head resting in hand - boredom.
• Hand to cheek - evaluation, thinking.
• Thumb to chin - critical evaluation.
• Holding a glass with two hands - nervousness.
• Exhaling cigarette smoke upwards - positive mood, self-confidence.
• Exhaling cigarette smoke downwards - negative mood, suspicion.

Gestures

Gestures tell us about desires and feelings of a person. Habitual gesture reflects a certain streak of character. To define thoughts and emotions of a person correctly, one should notice only his involuntary gestures. Apparently the same gestures of different people may have different meaning, but there are some common points:

• Active gesticulation – positive mood, a sign of friendliness and interest.
• Excessive gesticulation – anxiety, uncertainty, excitation.
• Open palms - sincerity, openness, innocence.
• Clenched fists - excitation, aggression (the stronger fingers are clenched, the stronger are the feelings).
• Touching or slightly rubbing nose - uncertainty in what is said, doubt, lying, thinking of a new argument.
• Rubbing eye - doubt, disbelief, lying.
• Rubbing and scratching various parts of head (forehead, cheeks, back of head,
  ear) - concern, embarrassment, uncertainty.
• Stroking chin - trying to make a decision.
• Wringing of hands or other restless, repetitive movements (twisting a pen, smoothing dress…) - vigilance, nervousness, embarrassment.
• Pinching palms - aggression.
• Biting nails - insecurity, nervousness.
• Collecting of "hairs" from dress - disapproval.
• Wiping spectacles - a pause to think something over.
• Taking spectacles off and tossing them on a table – very difficult conversation, uncomfortable subject.
• Looking over a top of spectacles - critical attitude, aggression.
• Brushing hair back with fingers - anxiety.
• Apparent intention to lean against something – feeling of trouble, not knowing how to get out of the situation (any support increases self-confidence).

Be careful to draw any conclusions on the basis of the signs mentioned above: a person may touch his ear if it itches.

Involuntary reactions (reflexes)

As a rule, it is very difficult to control such reactions. Therefore, they are very informative. Some of them are used to detect lies during polygraph tests. It is easier to detect these reactions in men, than in women. The standard reading of these reactions is the following:

• Turning red in the face - shame, anger.
• Turning pale - fear, guilt.
• Strong and frequent pulse in the neck (can be seen by tie beating) - anxiety, fear, shame, lying.
• Frequent or shallow breathing – strain. 
• Short nose breathing – anger.
• Uneven breathing, throat spasms, dry throat (reflex saliva swallowing, licking lips, thirst) - fear, shame, lying.
• Showing or grinding teeth - fury, aggression.
• Sweating - anger, embarrassment, nervousness, lying.
• Trembling fingers, hands, legs, facial muscles - tension, fear, lying
• Frequent winking - excitation, lying.
• Collywobbles – fear (not always);

Other security tips are here